What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
by blue artemis
Summary: Lavender tries to help Hermione. Things don't quite work out the way she thinks.


"Come on, Ron. I _need_ to do something for Hermione. I feel really bad about stealing you from her," Lavender insisted.

"I don't know that she sees it that way, Lav," Ron replied.

"Ron, I got pregnant while you were still LIVING IN HER FLAT!" Lavender growled.

Ron shook his head. He had stayed in Hermione's flat a long time after they had ended their romantic relationship due to both a comfy sofa and he hadn't wanted to return to The Burrow. But nothing he had said had made Lavender believe anything other than she had stolen Ron right out from under Hermione's nose.

"But Lav, do you know what all those potions will do if you use them all at once?" Ron asked.

"No, but they can't be harmful, can they? They all seem to do the same thing…" Lavender trailed off as she thought of something. "Um, maybe you should have Hermione see George as soon as possible."

"Lav, what is it?"

"I don't know if some of those potions might mess with some of the potions Hermione has been taking to remove that scar on her arm," Lav said.

"Fuck!" Ron shouted as he headed for the floo. "George! George!"

"What is it, Ronniekins?"

"George, I think Lav might have poisoned Hermione. We need to get whoever helped you reverse that last mistake you made with the truth potions over to her flat right away!"

George nodded, then reached into his pocket for a little green snake.

* * *

Hermione had been sleeping in on Saturday morning after having spent a night out with her girl friends at the baby shower they had for Lavender. The pounding on her flat door woke her up.

"What is it?" Hermione grumpily mumbled as she opened the door. There stood George, Ron, Lavender and- "Professor Snape?"

"I'm no one's professor anymore, Miss Granger, and do have the decency to put on some clothing, would you?" the man in question snarked.

"I was asleep when you all pounded on my door, and this is what I sleep in, so if you don't like it, you can leave!" then she thought for a minute. "What are you all doing here?"

"I'msosorryHermione,IwantedtomakethingsuptoyouforstealingRonandIspikedyourdrinklastnigh!" Lavender wailed.

"Which drink, and with what?" Hermione demanded.

"Let us in, Hermione, do you want all the neighbors hearing all this?" George asked.

"I have the entryway charmed, but fine, come in," Hermione said, then turned and stalked into her living room.

All three wizards quite enjoyed the sight of her legs and the very bottom of her bum in the old Krum quidditch jersey she was wearing.

"Stop looking at my bum!" Hermione tossed over her shoulder, as Lavender smacked Ron on the back of the head. "Alright, Lav, what did you spike my drink with and why?"

"I used all the potions in the back of Witch Weekly, you know, 'Be the best you,' 'Make yourself Irresistible to Wizards,' and a couple of charms. I had checked all the ingredients, but I forgot the potion you were taking to get rid of the scar on your arm," Lavender replied and started crying. "I just wanted to make it up to you for stealing Ron!"

"That potion didn't work, Lav, just like I didn't think it would, and I took a flushing potion to get rid of the wildwillow which must be what you were worried about," Hermione said. "If I hadn't been happy for you and Ron, do you think I would have shown up to the wedding or the baby shower? I mean, and not as the evil fairy godmother?"

Snape coughed, visions of Hermione with her hair in horns with curls sticking out of the top running through his head.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at him.

He raised one back.

George, witnessing this battle of wills expressed through moving eyebrows started waggling both of his independently. "Now that I have everyone's attention, and since there seems to be nothi-"

At that point, Hermione's hair started cycling through colors and styles. Sort of like the time Teddy Lupin got drunk after a Quidditch win.

She hiccupped and sparkly glitter shot out her nose… and ears.

As she reached for her wand, the two Weasleys and the pregnant Lavender ran for the door.

* * *

"What, you aren't leaving, too?" Hermione asked Snape, small jewels falling from her mouth as she spoke.

The man in question just shook his head, until suddenly he threw his head back and started laughing. His laugh was deep and rich and addictively seductive. Hermione realized just how funny she must look and started laughing along with him. That and her resolution that year was to stop overthinking things and go with what she wanted.

"I have the list of ingredients here, Miss Granger, I believe that none of this will be harmful, although possibly another flushing potion may help speed everything up. The only problem I have is that it needs fluxweed and that could be harmful," he said.

"Do you mind if I run the Arithmancy for the potion and the ingredients, Professor?"

"I am not your professor any longer, Miss Granger, and if you wish for me to answer anything properly, you do need to get dressed," Snape replied, and then swallowed.

"Like my legs, do you? Considering how much of me you've just seen, you can call me Hermione. And don't worry, it may not look like it, but I am wearing pants," Hermione replied, flipping up the bottom of her jersey to show him her peach colored panties as she walked into her bedroom.

Snape chalked the flirtation down to the potions and charms Hermione was under, shaking his head at the little witch.

She walked out of her bedroom wearing a pair of old sweat pants and and even older jumper. "Let me see your list of ingredients and the formula for the flushing potion," she demanded.

"Demanding little witch, you know some of these are proprietary," he said.

"Oh, I know you are the potions line of George's shop and make the bases and some of the more expensive ones for Lavender's mail order business," Hermione said. "I do all the Arithmancy for them."

"Wait, what?" Severus demanded.

"There are very few potioneers capable of the complicated bases you provide. The closest would be Pierre Florin in Paris, but the payments all go to an address in the Highlands. So, I figured you were alive but in hiding. I'm glad to see I was right."

Severus handed over his recipes. Then snickered when she was so lost in her work that she absentmindedly waved him toward her kitchen.

"Thank you, Mr. Snape," she said as he handed her a cup of tea, and she handed him her findings.

"I see you have substituted milkweed and dandelion for the fluxweed and this works perfectly for what we are trying to achieve, Hermione," he said. "Do call me Severus, I believe we shall be in close quarters for the fourteen days this potion will take to work. Do you trust me to oversee the treatment?"

"Yes, please. I might get angry and curse Ron or George for this. And sadly, neither one deserves it, not really," she responded.

"Well, then, if you trust me, witch, hold on to my arm, I shall take us to my cottage, so we can start," he said, holding out his arm.

Hermione grabbed her little beaded bag, took his arm and smiled as he pulled her close to Apparate.

Severus watched Hermione gaze around herself with a smile. He had Apparated them into his library. "Albus left me his book collection, and Minerva was kind enough to send it along after the war," he told her.

"I hope you will allow me to read some of the books in here while I am visiting," she replied.

"We shall see, Hermione, we shall see."

"You are planning to use books as rewards? Rewards for what, may I ask?"

"You may ask, but I am not going to answer that right now," Severus responded.

She looked at him incredulously while he smirked at her and motioned to her to follow him.

"Here is your room, mine is across the hall. There is a bathroom down the hall for your use, please make yourself comfortable," Severus told her.

Just then, Hermione's skin turned purple, then green, then settled on orange with white polka dots. Severus tried to stifle a grin.

"Well, I'm certainly gaining your attention, Severus, aren't I? I just don't think this is what Lavender meant to happen," Hermione said with a grin.

"I would assume not, Hermione, I'm certain she meant anyone other than me," he responded morosely.

Hermione just raised a brow in response.

Severus raised his, then decided it was a stalemate and turned to go to his potions lab.

The next couple of days were spent in busy harmony, Severus working on the potion to clear all the potions and charms out of Hermione's system, and Hermione working the Arithmancy any time he made a change.

By the fifth day, Hermione was so comfortable, she wandered out for breakfast in her sleepwear.

"Hermione, if you do not want to attract the wrong type of attention, you should not wander out here in those old Quidditch jerseys. Especially one that says Potter," Severus growled over his coffee.

In response, Hermione pulled the jersey off and sat down to breakfast in a pair of white cotton panties with little flowers on them and nothing else.

Severus spit his coffee out and his eyes widened.

"I know exactly whose attention I'm trying to attract," Hermione said, calmly buttering some toast. "Is it working?"

Just then, her entire skin turned silver, and her nipples had rainbow sequins on them.

Severus started laughing. "Oh, witch, here I was trying not to look at those lovely breasts and now I can't help but stare."

Hermione tilted her head to the side and examined the man in front of her who was distinctly trying not blush and failing miserably. She made a quick decision, then nodded to herself. "Do you think my quim matches my nipples?" Hermione asked, "Do you mind if I check?"

Severus inhaled sharply. "Hermione, don't tease me. I've been too long without someone to share my life with, and your mind is almost more captivating than your body."

"Severus, your mind has always captivated me. The fact that you were willing to help George with his shop certainly added to the long-simmering crush I've always had. I wouldn't have asked Lavender to do this to me, but it IS making it easier for me to go with my feelings for you," she responded, then thought for a moment. "What do you mean almost more captivating?"

"I am a red-blooded wizard, witch; against my better judgement, check away," Severus said, wonder evident in his voice.

Hermione stood up and pulled down her pants. Then they both started laughing. "Feathers!"

Severus reached out and Hermione came closer. He cupped her feathered quim and delved inside with one of his fingers.

Hermione gasped, but did not pull away, instead, swayed toward Severus. Taking that as consent, he picked her up and placed her on the table, spreading her out before him. Then he snickered.

"Here I am, lying on your table like a feast, and you're laughing?" Hermione exclaimed, exasperated.

"Beneath the feathers are sequins" he said. "You look like a deranged show girl."

"This is so strange, I can't feel them," Hermione said.

In response, Severus ran his finger along them, shifting the sequins from one side to the other. "Oooh! That doesn't feel like sequins, but I'm not sure what it feels like," She said, breathing heavily.

Severus sat down in the chair, and pulled Hermione toward him. He bent down and nuzzled her with his nose. She wriggled in response. He used his tongue and nose to great advantage, driving Hermione mad with desire. "Severus, if you don't think the sequins will hurt you, just fuck me!"

Severus hurriedly moved aside his robe and unbuttoned his frock coat at his waist. He opened the fly to his trousers and started to undress when he realized Hermione was staring at him with unabashed desire. "Why are you looking at me like that, witch?"

"I guess what they say about noses is true," she whispered. Then she looked down, took a deep breath and said, "Don't undress. Just fuck me like that."

"Seriously, Hermione?"

"I have a thing about good fabric, and your frock coat and trousers are delicious wool. I want to feel that on me while you fuck me," she responded.

Severus raised an eyebrow, then grabbed her hips and seeing her nod of approval, pulled her onto his prick.

Hermione grunted then enthusiastically began to encourage him, "Faster, Severus, harder." She tried to wind her legs around him to feel all that glorious wool on her while he rhythmically thrust into her.

Just as she fell to pieces around him, Severus let himself go.

As their orgasms faded, Severus noticed that Hermione had turned back to normal. "I guess the potions and charms got what they wanted," he said.

"They might have, but I certainly haven't gotten my fill," Hermione said as she picked up her jersey and panties and went toward the shower.

"Seriously, witch?"

"No, Severusly. Sirius was too much of a man-child to find attractive."

Severus let out a reluctant laugh. "Hurry up, then Hermione, so we can get this done," he said.

He went back to the lab, adding the finishing touches to the potion. He came up to find Hermione napping on his couch wearing one of his white button down shirts. Unable to resist, he ran his hand along her leg to see what pants she might be wearing this time.

"White lace," said Hermione, looking up at him.

"Interesting choice," replied Severus.

"The last two seemed a bit, I don't know, plain or girlish? I thought you might like something a little more adult."

"I rather like the witch inside the pants, Hermione. I don't much care about the wrapping," he said.

"Unless the jersey says Potter?" she asked mischievously.

"If I didn't have this potion ready for you to take, I'd spank you for that," said Severus.

Hermione sat up and reached for the potion. "Promises, promises," she said then drank the potion down.

"Hm, I don't feel any diff-" Hermione started to say when she suddenly slumped down.

Severus ran a diagnostic charm over her and realized that the potion had begun to do what it was meant to do.

He picked her up, and realizing that she was beginning to sweat profusely, put her back down on her bed, removing her clothing so nothing would interfere with the cleansing her body was going through.

After the first hour, the sweat started to turn color, and Severus was afraid it was blood, but another diagnostic charm still showed the potion working as it should and her vitals were well within the parameters they had decided would be safe.

A little while later, Severus jumped up, because Hermione started to moan in pain, which was nothing they were expecting. He floo-called Poppy.

"What in the world happened to her, Severus?" Poppy asked.

"Lavender Weasley decided to try out all the charms and potions in Witch Weekly to make up for her wand-point wedding to Ronald," Severus answered. "It didn't quite work out the way she meant, and although she hadn't poisoned Hermione, we worked on a flushing potion to cleanse her of the remnants of the ingredients and charms."

"Well, it is working far better than you thought it would, I imagine," responded Poppy. "It is correcting all the magic we thought would never leave her system. Look at the scar on her abdomen and the carving on her arm!"

Severus looked and saw a dark oozing liquid dripping from the cursed scars and moved to siphon them up quickly to keep them from pooling anywhere on Hermione or the bed.

Poppy nodded, pleased. "Give her another few hours, Severus, once the dark magic is removed, she should rest, based on what I see here, and should wake up far better. Come to think of it, can you make another vial? I think it would help Minerva and Filius with some of the curses they have to deal with."

Severus agreed, eyes on the woman on the bed. "After we get Hermione through this, Poppy, I will make you as many vials as you wish, maybe St. Mungos would like to test it as well."

Poppy returned to Hogwarts as Hermione was starting to settle down. She smiled as she saw Severus transform a chair into a lounger and make himself comfortable next to the sleeping witch.

Hermione woke up feeling better than she had in years. At 24 years old, her body often felt like she was at least three times that age due to the injuries and curses she had suffered during the war. She looked around and saw Severus sleeping in a lounger next to her bed.

His face looked far younger in repose.

"Are you done staring at me, Hermione?" Severus asked.

"I might never be done staring at you, Severus. I feel so good!" She stretched and realized the scar was missing from her arm. "My scar!" Then she looked at her abdomen. "All my scars! Oh, Severus!" She threw herself off the bed and on top of Severus, hugging him madly.

An armful of naked happy witch had some of Severus's body parts reacting quite pointedly.

He tried to gently remove her from his person, but she just kept wiggling. "Hermione, you just woke from a healing sleep. Do you honestly think this is a good idea?"

"I feel better than I have in years, Severus! The wizard I've had a crush on for years is just as fascinating as I imagined and interested in me. Of course it is a good idea!"

Severus couldn't find a flaw in her logic. Therefore he removed his sleeping pants, and let the witch have her way with him.

A while later, Severus and Hermione were sitting at the table, eating an omelette he made for them.

"Severus, you made enough for two doses, right?"

"I made six, Hermione. There is enough for Minerva and Filius and three for St. Mungos."

"Why don't you take one, Severus? Unless the ingredients would interfere with the anti-venom you had to take."

"We shouldn't waste it on me, Hermione."

"It wouldn't be a waste, Severus. I certainly don't think so!"

"Hermione, once this is over, you are going back to your life, and I will be out here. What does it matter if I take this or not?"

"Do you want me to leave? Because I had just left my job at the Ministry when Lavender dosed me. I figured out I wasn't going to get anywhere, not at this point. No one thinks I've lived enough," Hermione said.

"You just want me for my library," Severus snarked.

"I still haven't been told what would get me access to those books, you know. Of course I have to stay." Hermione smiled at him.

Severus took the potion. After two rather frightening nights for Hermione, with reassurances from Poppy, he woke up feeling far younger than he had in years.

Hermione walked in the room, she had just left to shower, wearing a rather unusual sleeping top.

"Severus, you're awake! How do you feel?"

"I feel wonderful, Hermione. But how in the world did you get my old Quidditch jersey?"

"I asked the house elves. It appears they keep all of the ones the students don't take home," she answered.

He moved swiftly off the bed, and grabbed her by the waist, swinging her into an enthusiastic hug. He set her down slowly, running his hand under the jersey.

"Naughty witch, no pants this time?"

Hermione looked up at him and shook her head no.

"You know what happens to naughty witches, don't you?"

"They get library access?"

"Of course they get library access."

Severus led Hermione into the library, and let her peruse the books. She was in his jersey, and he hadn't bothered to dress. He remembered her comment about fabric the first time they had been together and found his old silk Slytherin tie. He walked up behind her and nuzzled her neck. He slipped the tie between her legs and rubbed it up her thighs, and pulled it into the crevice between her nether cheeks. Hermione looked back at him, which made him stop.

"I don't think I want you watching this witch. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a black handkerchief. "May I cover your eyes?"

Hermione nodded yes.

Severus tied the handkerchief over her eyes, and had her put her hands on the end of the desk. He ran the silk tie over all the uncovered parts of her body. He slowly lifted the edge of the jersey, then smacked one of the round globes of her bottom.

Hermione started a bit, but didn't move her hands. "Severus, wouldn't this be better in your chair?"

"You mean over my knees?"

"Yes."

"Not this time, love. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

That simple statement threw Severus past whatever he was planning. He pulled off Hermione's blindfold, and kissed her senseless. The entire time, he was slowly walking them back to the bedroom. He reverently placed her on the bed, and after a look that made Hermione melt almost more than what his hands were doing, began to worship her with his lips and hands and after she had shattered in pleasure, he finally drove into her, no longer as playful as before, making a promise with his body.

"Hermione, you will stay, won't you?"

"Always."

"Always?"

"I need to know what you were planning to do to me. And I want to see if we can make a potion to get those sequins and feathers to appear on purpose…"

Severus quieted Hermione's thoughts with a kiss.

* * *

A couple years later, Severus got a call on the little snake George used for emergencies.

"What is it this time, Weasley?"

"Lavender thought Charlie needed someone."

"And?"

"You think you can cure a lovesick dragon?"


End file.
